


Fathers, Sons, and the Women Who Love Them

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: On and On [4]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Drama, F/M, Family, Friendship, Future Fic, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-25 06:44:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9807905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: Ed said he wasn’t going to push, and he wasn’t.  If he read the situation wrong, that was his mess to clean up.





	

**Author's Note:**

> John Mahoney is the only face I saw while writing Jack Tucker.

“Hello.”

“Don’t tell me that I woke you. It sounds like I may have woke you.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“Are you sure?” Ed asked.

“I’m sure; it’s barely ten o’clock.”

“If anyone deserves a few early nights, it’s you.”

“I made myself a grilled chicken salad with honey mustard dressing and tried out a new white wine that Melinda introduced me to. After dinner, I meditated for 20 minutes and then took a bubble bath. Now I'm in pajamas with Julia Louis-Dreyfus but plan to be asleep by 11:30.”

“ _Old Christine_ or _Veep_?”

“Guess.” Liv said.

“I'm going with _Old Christine_.”

“Did you guys have a good day? I know Noah told me he might be too busy to call me today, imagine a six year old being too busy to talk to mom. I miss him.”

“He's just fine.” Ed replied. “We had a fantastic day. I got him up at 5:30 and he did well with the early time. We got out on the water just as the sun was coming up; Noah caught three fish.”

“Oh my god, did he?”

“Yes ma'am. One was a throwback but two were good. He caught a three pound catfish, which was impressive. We got some great pictures and cooked him up for dinner tonight. When we were done fishing, Noah took a morning nap before waking up for brunch. The rest of the day was a blur of activity. Dad, Noah, and I painted the town red.”

“He's having fun?” Liv asked. It wasn’t that she doubted it but she had always been there when Noah had fun. This was an all-new experience for her. It was for Noah as well but he was with Ed so he was fearless.

“Oh yeah. He helped Tess bake a chocolate cake tonight and dad bought him a bike so we took a few runs around the driveway. Don’t worry, your phone will be filled with pictures and videos by the morning. Since the flight home on Monday is only about 90 minutes, we’ll be here for the entire parade in the morning. We’ll miss the fireworks later on but there's always Fourth of July.”

“Fourth of July, what?”

“For Noah to see the fireworks.” Ed said.

“In Indiana?”

“Oh no, no, I just meant in general. Though the Winona Lake Independence Day fair, concert, and fireworks show is the stuff of legend. Tess said that last year Bruce Hornsby and New Jersey performed. It was one of the few times the town charged and people were willing to pay.”

“Who's New Jersey?” Liv asked. “I thought Bruce Hornsby’s band was called The Range.”

“Oh, New Jersey is the #2 Bon Jovi tribute band in the nation.”

“That’s not true.”

“Look,” Ed said. “I'm sure there are those willing to argue that they're #1, but ticket sales do not lie. Tess and her niece were super impressed with their cover of _You Give Love a Bad Name_.”

“OK.” Liv laughed.

“You sound content.” Ed said. It was better than saying that he loved to hear her laugh. He didn’t have to say everything that popped into his head. In fact, it was a lot better if he didn’t.

“I am. If New Jersey is going to be there then I'm not letting you guys leave me behind on the next trip.”

“I can find out who they're having this year. Dad said there were rumors that it might be Elements. They're an amazing Earth, Wind, and Fire cover band out of Indianapolis.”

“You love Earth, Wind, and Fire.” Liv said.

“So do you, Benson. So does anyone with musical taste.”

“True.”

“I don’t want to keep you too long but I called to talk about something concerning Noah before you talk to him, which will likely be tomorrow.”

“Is he alright?” her voice went from relaxed to slightly frantic.

“Hey, hey now, would I have bantered on about Bon Jovi tribute bands if he wasn’t?” Ed asked.

“Right.” Liv nodded though Ed couldn’t see that. Then she laughed a little. “Paranoid mom moment, I'm sorry about that. I know that he's fine, you're both fine. Go on.”

“Noah called me dad today.”

“Did he?”

“Yeah, while we were fishing and he caught the catfish. I've never seen him so excited before and it was a sight to behold. He kept saying ‘dad, dad, take my picture’. I almost dropped my phone in the river. I didn’t quite know what to do but I let him. He's been hearing me call my own dad that and when he met us at the airport he told Noah he could call him Grandpa Jack. Noah liked that.”

“Oh, wow.”

“I just don’t want things to be awkward. I don't want to discourage him from calling me dad, and not just to stroke my ego. I've loved him like a son for a long time…he is a son to me. So it would stand to reason that he calls me dad.”

“You and I should probably sit down soon and talk about the side of this that might be slightly unglamorous.” Liv said.

“Adoption, child support, a more binding custody agreement?” 

There was silence on the other end of the line. Ed knew she was still there; he could hear her breathing. Maybe he'd said too much but he didn’t know what else Liv could be talking about if she didn’t mean taking more legal steps to make Noah his son. Ed said he wasn’t going to push, and he wasn’t. If he read the situation wrong, that was his mess to clean up.

“You should probably slow down just a little.” She cleared her throat and finally spoke.

“Your silence made that clear.”

“Ed…”

“Liv, we were together for over a year. Somewhere in there I thought we might make a life together with Noah. I committed myself to that and it was taken away from me. I'm not making any bones about you choosing to end our relationship, you have a right to that decision. I don’t want to lose Noah again. He means so much to me and I think I mean something to him as well.”

“What if someone else comes along who wants to marry me and adopt Noah?” Liv asked.

“Really? That’s your response? I don't know why I thought...you know what, I'm going to go. It’s been a long day but it was a good day. I don’t want to end it fighting with you. Goodnight, Olivia.”

“Ed…”

He hung up on her. Olivia remembered how she cried the last time that happened. This time she sucked it up. The conversation went from 0 to 60 in less than a minute. Leaning back and closing her eyes, Liv tried to work out exactly why that happened. 

Noah called Ed dad. How did she really feel about that? She was mom and he was dad, but they weren't together. They were just another broken family doing their best but navigating through glass shards. But were they a broken family by choice, and if so who made a choice like that. 

She and Ed had made the decision to be friends and so far it was going well. What would they do when the first storm came along to knock down the delicate foundation they were building? The foundation needed to be shored up but Liv wasn’t sure how to do that. It would take time and only two months had gone by since Ed came back into their lives. Maybe it seemed like more because the scenario was so familiar…Benson, Tucker, and Noah. 

Some days it didn’t seem as if three years had passed. But it was important to remember that it had. Those years didn’t matter at all to Noah, the most important man who had ever been in his life was back and that’s all that mattered. That was something Liv had to figure out too. She wasn’t much older than Noah was now when she barraged her mother with so many questions about her father that Serena slapped her across the face. She told Liv never to ask her about it again. 

It was many years before she wasn’t terrified to. Her son had it better than she did and he was supposed to. For the adults involved, even deciding to be friends, it was still tricky. It would never be 100% perfect but Liv had to do something to stop making it so damn uncomfortable. Getting up from the bed, she went around the room and relit all of her meditation candles. Then she picked up her cell phone.

“Hello.”

“I apologize for ruining your great day.” She said.

“Apology accepted.” Ed grumbled.

“No it’s not, you're grumbling.”

“I have no idea what you're talking about.”

“How long have we known each other? You know what, it’s OK if the apology isn't accepted right this second, just think about it.”

“I wasn’t going to answer. You pissed me off.”

“Why do you think I called back to apologize? It was an open mouth, insert foot moment…I can admit that. I don’t even know why.”

“You want to keep all your options open relationship-wise, and I understand that, but I don’t get how that should affect the relationship I have with Noah. I get that if you marry someday that your husband would be a part of Noah’s life, but…”

“You're his dad.” Liv finished his sentence.

“Yes. Maybe it’s not my place to just declare these things; Noah isn't a piece of land.”

“Noah declared it, Ed, you didn’t have to. He loves you and I'm not going to take his father from him again. Especially not on the maybe that sometime in the future I may marry someone. I'm 52 years old.”

“You don’t look a day over 40.” Ed said.

“Keep talking.”

“You need an ego rub down, Lieutenant?” he asked.

Olivia tried not to quiver at the way that Ed said rub down. It had just been so log since she'd been with anyone and the one she wanted was back in her life.

“Yes.”

“Well too bad. I’ll have you know that today is all about me.”

He laughed some and it felt genuine in Liv’s ears. She suddenly missed him so much but didn’t know how to express it. She didn’t want to ruin a good moment that she had to create because she ruined the last good moment.

“I remember when Noah first said mama.” Liv said instead. “It was like being handed the entire moon and stars on a platter. I'm sorry I almost ruined that for you.”

“OK, well I'm bushed. I'm going to put on a pot of half-caff coffee and pull out a chess board for me and dad.”

“Jack isn't in bed yet?”

“When there is chess to be played with his favorite son? Absolutely not.”

“Does he still have a board in every room?” Liv asked.

“Yes. It drives Tess crazy…she has no idea how he remembers which game is which. He says it keeps his mind nimble and I don’t doubt him. So, it’s time to say goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Daddy.”

“You did that on purpose.” Ed said.

“I have no idea what you're talking about.”

“Yeah, of course you don’t. Sweet dreams, Liv.”

“Goodnight.”

Ed hung up the phone and tried to hold back his grin. It was impossible so he just gave up. Liv wasn’t there; she couldn’t see the look on his face. Getting up from the chair he was resting in, Ed put his phone back in his pocket, and left the bedroom. His first stop was to check on Noah. 

The six year old was sound asleep, sprawled out on hiss stomach, mouth slightly open. It had been that kind of day for sure. Ed walked into the bedroom and pulled the blanket up over Noah’s back. The window was open, a breeze softly blowing in the scent of rain. He bent and kissed the back of his head.

“Sleep tight, kiddo.”

Ed made his way down the back stairs. Sure enough, his dad was sitting at the kitchen table. Jack Tucker was looking at a chessboard as if it held the key to life. Coffee was brewing and an ashtray was on the table though the older man hadn’t smoked in nearly 2 decades and always gave Ed shit for not giving up the habit. Ed poured himself a cup, added three sugar cubes, and sat down.

“Who’s winning?” he said, taking a soft pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lighting one.

“Me, but I refuse to be cocky about it because I've got me in possibly three moves. I'm not to be trifled with.”

“Clearly.” Ed smirked. “I called Liv and let her know what happened today.”

“About the fish?” Jack looked at his son, pushing his bifocals up on the bridge of his nose.

“Noah called me dad.”

“Well you're the only dad he has...blood doesn’t mean a damn thing.”

“It was the first time, Dad.”

“It was?”

“Yeah.” Ed nodded as he drank his coffee. “I damn near burst with joy. I wanted to tell Liv.”

“How did she respond?”

“Fine.”

“The first or second time?” Jack asked.

“What do you mean?”

“I don't know the woman inside out but I remember there was often a second time when you two were together.”

“Sounds like you know her pretty well.” Ed said.

“You think there's a chance in hell you two will ever get back together.”

“No.” Ed replied, shaking his head. He said it before his dad could finish the sentence.

“Spoken too quickly, like a man still in love with his ex.” He moved a black rook on the board.

“Dad, technically I still Mary Katherine Pawlowski but you don’t see me heading over to Maple Tree Lane to declare that, do you?”

“She's a good woman. Boring as hell but a good woman. Anyway, you love Olivia Benson more than technically. And you kissed Mary Katherine at eight…I don’t remember much else there.”

“It’s not going to happen.” Ed took a deep inhale of his cigarette.

“Doesn’t Noah deserve a family?”

“Low blow.”

“How is that?”

“Because it’s the 21st century. People, in their right minds, don’t get together or stay together for the kids. Every study worth reading shows it has the opposite effect on kids. Imagine if Betsy and I had done that.”

“You love Olivia.” Jack’s tone was matter of fact.

“I've never denied that. There’s no point in denying that.”

“So she doesn’t love you anymore? Does she have some hotshot waiting in the wings?”

“Not that I know of. Love isn't always enough, dad. Liv had it rough and has really just spent the last year or so digging into a half century of shit. Romantic love isn't going to make her better...hard work and good support will. I told her that I have her back as a friend; she's never had a lot of those. The last thing she needs is me trying to move the goal posts at halftime. Not to mention, I like being friends. I'm comfortable with this; I'm not angling for something more.”

“I hear you.” Jack nodded as he studied the board. “Oh, there you are.” He made a move and took a rook from the board. “I almost missed you little fella. Those two are lucky to have you, Teddy. You haven’t exactly led a charmed life. You’ve seen your struggles.”

“I just consider us lucky to have each other. I'm not going to give myself any more luck than Liv.”

“That’s very altruistic of you…I think you get that from your mother. Look, when you two finally decide to settle down and get married, just do it here. I hate New York.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Ed smiled. “Honest question, do you think we could ever make it work? She broke my heart something terrible.”

“It was bad, I remember. You cried and I have never seen you cry about a women…not that there's anything wrong with that. Here’s the thing, you healed and you still love her. If there wasn’t meant to be another chapter I don’t think that would be the case.”

“What if the next chapter is about being a father to Noah? What if I get to make up for my parental mistakes and not some love thing?”

“We’ll see. Who's to say you can't do both. But don’t overthink it, Teddy, it'll give you those wrinkles around your eyes.”

“Crow’s feet.” Ed said.

“Exactly. By the way, I should tell you more often what a damn fine father you are. My grandkids are better than everyone else’s.”

“Yeah, no bias there.”

“Not a drop.” Jack said. “Get in this game boy; Tess’ll kill me if I'm up all night playing chess.”

“My glasses are upstairs.” Ed took a healthy gulp of coffee. He'd probably get another half mug; they could be at it a while.

“All the better for me to wipe the floor with you. I've got a few good moves.”

“You taught me everything I know, about everything. Don’t go anywhere, Dad…I still got a few things to learn.”

“If you ever think you don’t, Teddy, that’s when you know you're in trouble.”

***


End file.
